How to Forgive When They Didn’t Say Sorry…

Forgive: To stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake.

We all have needed to forgive – as human beings, it’s a universal experience. People wrong us, and we decide if it’s something we can forgive. They say sorry, we say it’s okay. Even if it isn’t okay sometimes, we still forgive people. Usually it’s simply because they asked. & that’s how a lot of us were raised. I can think of a few times when my brothers would annoy me lol – they’d have to say sorry. & I’d have to say I forgive you. Or we’d have to hug it out (I know my parents aren’t the only ones who did this lol).

It’s just always been the process.

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 But what about the times when you don’t hear sorry? I can remember being upset for trivial things, and if I didn’t hear sorry I would brush it off. Or hold a fake grudge. #Shrugs #KidsWillBeKids

But now.. After experiencing things that truly hurt at my core, I got to a point where I felt like I NEEDED to hear sorry for stuff. Like, wasn’t everyone raised that way? When you hurt someone, you just say sorry. & when I didn’t get that apology, I didn’t know how to deal. How do I begin to move forward without closure? Or being given the opportunity to forgive at all?

After torturing myself by waiting for an apology I wasn’t ever going to receive, I realized that I didn’t need to be given an opportunity to forgive. I had the power to do that on my own.

Ladies, sometimes we really forget how amazing and powerful we really are.

Although it took a while for me to realize I had the power, realizing it was the easy part. It took werrkk to carry it out. Reminder – With great power comes great responsibility. Having power isn’t the hard part, it’s the work that’s assigned to your power. But that’s a message for another day. #ComingSoon

To get back on track before I sidebar any further, here are ways to truly forgive without hearing sorry:

Sis, You’ve Needed Forgiveness Before Too – It’s sooo easy to remember the ways someone wronged us, but can you remember a time when you were the one doing dirt & needing to say sorry? Was it hard to say it, if you even said it at all? Or did you justify your wrongdoings? It’s easier to accept the fact that you may not hear sorry when you realize you’ve probably skipped out on some apologies that you’ve owed too.

Letting Go – If I’m being honest with myself, the reason I wanted to hear sorry soo badly was because I thought it was the first step in fixing everything & making it go back to normal. Like, if he isn’t admitting he’s wrong how can I forgive him? & if I can’t forgive him how can we fix the relationship? But… everything that’s broken isn’t meant to be fixed. Sometimes we have to just let it go. When I stopped wanting what couldn’t be, and really really let go, I was able to forgive because I wasn’t expecting anything on the other side of it. It was just to heal me. Not heal a broken relationship. Embrace the now, not the could be’s.

Forgiving Yourself – Sometimes we want to hear sorry so badly because we don’t want to admit we were wrong about something or someone. & when you’re waiting on forgiveness for one thing, a million new things can be happening that you’ll want to hear more sorry’s for! Then it’s to a point where you have to keep waiting on a sorry just so you don’t look stupid. But sis, you have to forgive yourself for allowing things you knew you didn’t deserve. It’s almost impossible to forgive anyone else if you can’t forgive yourself. End the viscous cycle now so you can get back to you.

Forgiveness is for you. It’s a selfish act, but it’s one of those times when selfishness is good for you.

& if you really think about it… What if you had heard ‘sorry’? Would that have changed anything? It probably would’ve just dragged lies out further. I know it would’ve for me.

I knew what forgiveness meant. But I needed to learn how to do it without hearing sorry. Remember your power. Remember your crown. & remember that forgiveness is always for you, not them.

XOXO!

Celesha

Have you ever had to forgive without an apology? How did you deal?

14 Comments

  1. Mimi Robinson

    This was a big one for me, I learned to really forgive only a few years ago. I had to forgive my Dad for being absent in order to set myself free. It was one of the most liberating things I could do for myself. It gave me such peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. staciesayzso

    This happened a lot in my life. Sometimes people are just too proud to admit they are wrong. While I wish they would see it, it’s best I move on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anonymous

      This is sooo true! So many of us walk around trapped in unforgiveness (yep, it’s a prison!) I hope this message was a KEY for somebody! Now be free!

      Like

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