I’m not sure why, but these past few weeks I’ve been so focused on self-love. As women, we tend to put everything before us, and I’m starting to realize the value in putting myself first in certain situations. We give to our partners, kids, jobs, families, etc. and use whatever’s left of us to keep going. & it isn’t always enough. We end up so close to empty operating this way.
There are a LOT of reasons we do this. But the main reason I see is that we don’t know how to forgive ourselves. If your child does something wrong, you don’t hate them and punish them forever. You explain to them where they messed up, why it was wrong, and most importantly you teach them to not do the same thing again. & you do this because you LOVE them and want to see them reach their full potential in life. That’s not to say you aren’t disappointed, but your love for them outweighs the letdown.
Why don’t we treat ourselves the same way?
When we mess up we hold it over our own heads forever. I’ve had situations that I held on to for years – and I would always question why I couldn’t let go – & it’s because I hadn’t forgiven myself for getting in the situation to begin with. So, how do you know you haven’t forgiven yourself? It can be hard to realize it, but there are some common threads:
You can’t let things go – How I mentioned in my own experience, there was a time I couldn’t let go of a relationship I was in…because I couldn’t forgive myself for allowing sooo much bad to go on in it in the first place. I wanted to fix it to prove I was wrong about being wrong about him smh. But once I got over the fact that I messed up by ignoring clear signs, I was able to start trying to move on. #ItsAProcessSis
You live in shame & self-inflicted conviction – Sometimes when we mess up, we can’t forgive ourselves because we’re so ashamed of the fact that we messed up at all. We think we’re supposed to convict ourselves, right? WRONG. Conviction should come from God. What we’re doing to ourselves is actually condemning, which isn’t of God at all. Leave it in His hands, sis. So you can start to heal.
You search for temporary fixes – When we can’t forgive ourselves we start looking for other ways to numb the pain. Addictions, other people, & anything else to take us out of the present so we can stop thinking about the place where we fell. But temporary fixes are just that – temporary. Your issues will be there when you get back to reality. & that place where you fall – you have to move on from it, but you shouldn’t before you learn from it – what tripped you up before the fall? Learning in your fallen place will help you to not end up there again.
For the million dollar question, how do you start to forgive yourself?
Own it. – You messed up. & that’s okay. Just accept it so you can move forward. Its cliché, but our mistakes help mold us. & there are others you can help who may be going through something similar.
Take another look at your values. – We all should have standards and values. Sometimes we don’t realize what they are or how much we’d negotiate them until we’re faced with certain situations. Well, you’ve faced the situation. Now think about how you can take a deeper look at your morals and values – are there ways you can improve them? Are they realistic? Be real with yourself about them!
Know. Your. Worth. – Sis, remember who you are. You’re valuable. You deserve the forgiveness you give to others. Like I said before, we forgive our children, our partners, and everyone else when they do us wrong. We have to do it for ourselves!
#SheLovesHerselfChallenge – We talked about this on a recent episode of the podcast (HERE). Take some time to sit down, reflect and out loud say what you aren’t mad at yourself for anymore. It’s so freeing! I said “Celesha, I’m not mad at you for spending so much time worrying in the past. Now you’re able to help others who deal with anxiety.” I also said “Celesha, I’m not mad at you for loving so hard. A beautiful heart is never a bad thing.” What are some things you could tell yourself you aren’t mad at? You have to show you some love! ♥ We’ll be sharing this challenge on our social media pages too!
You can’t fully love yourself if you aren’t forgiving yourself.
Before you can grow, you have to let go. Forgive yourself, sis. You deserve it.
Have you ever struggled with forgiving yourself? How did you get through it?