Sometimes, I break my own heart…

I don’t know about you, but I can be super emotional at times. Some people even call me a cry baby lol. & sometimes I give a lot of myself even though I know it isn’t the best for me… or the person I’m giving to. & I know I’m not the only one – Some of us give wayyy too much, and not everyone deserves all that from us.

Another way to simply put it is I find myself breaking my own heart. It’s tough for me to admit because I always want my pain to be someone else’s fault.

#truthmoment #shrugs #workingonit

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I mean, who wants to say they caused their own pain? It’s so hard to accept this because when you admit the role you played, you have to also admit the work it’s going to take on YOURpart to become better. I’d even dare to say that breaking your own heart is the worst type of heartbreak for this very reason.

The first time I got my heart broken, I saw everything the other person did wrong. It was sooo much in my eyes! But, I failed to step back and look at how I contributed. After a looong looong while, I realized that I definitely played a part too.

Ladies, even at my age, I see new ways every day that we end up hurting our own feelings. Let’s get into a few –

Expectations:

Having unrealistic expectations is probably the most common way most of us do this. How can we expect someone to provide something they don’t have, or maybe never offered us to begin with? Outside of having unrealistic expectations, sometimes we expect things too soon. Everyone moves at a different pace in life, and we have to respect the timing other people have.

Death Grip:

Another thing I’ve noticed I do is grasp too tightly and put a lot of pressure on people when I want something. Oh honey, it’s in a butterfly’s nature to want to fly, so you have to let it. Grasping too tightly will either kill it, or kill any desire that it has to be near you when it finally is able to get away.

One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes is – “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Eeek! So that means when the butterfly was still a caterpillar I should’ve known better?? Like, it’s a given that a caterpillar will one day be a butterfly, so why wait around for the punchline, or hope it’ll become a ladybug instead? Nature is powerful – so powerful that we can’t change someone else’s.

Ignoring Warning Signs &…Imagining Scenarios:

Another way I’ve seen myself break my own heart is by ignoring the warning signs. I could see a million red flags and I’m going to hope they are maroon lol. On the other hand, I’ve also seen myself create scenarios all in my head. Full on arguments! Things that may have never happened had I not forced them by projecting my thoughts onto others. So, don’t ignore the signs, but don’t stress yourself about issues that aren’t there, either. It’s a delicate balance for sure – but that’s where our intuition as women kicks in. #GirlPower 🙂

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For the most important question – after accepting that we’re breaking our own hearts, how do we stop and reverse the cycle?

It isn’t ALL About YOU!

First and foremost, you (I) have to accept the fact that everything isn’t about you (me). Yes, you and your feelings are important, but so are the feelings of others. Don’t make it so hard on people for being themselves, even if it doesn’t fit what you want from them.

 Develop Healthy Distractions:

When your heart is broken, even if it’s your own fault, finding other healthy things to focus on can keep you from pining over the heartbreak. Who were you before the heartbreak? What kind of things did you like to do? Writing, shopping, art? You can even find something new to learn! This is all a part of growth beyond your pain. For me, writing is a healthy distraction. & sis, please be deliberate about carving out time for yours, otherwise it won’t happen and you’ll end up beating yourself up about that too.

Remember Who and Whose You Are!

Now ladies, I know I said don’t think it’s all about you, but you still have to know who you are. It’s never selfish to take time to self-reflect. & if you’re God-fearing, remember who you belong to! As a daughter of the King, you had no business putting yourself in some of the spaces where your heart was broken in the first place. You’re royalty! Not everyone deserves a chance to even be near you! It’s a privilege, and anyone who is worth it will know that. In that same vein, you also have to behave like you know whose you are. People won’t treat you like a Queen if your behavior isn’t reflecting that of one.

What’s meant to be will be, so enjoy the journey:

Sometimes we get too caught up in the destination, and forget to take in all that we can along the way. There is so much joy in the journey of finding yourself again, but we have to be purposeful about taking those opportunities when they arise. Don’t let heartbreak derail you from your ultimate goals. Remember, that if something or someone is meant for you, it’ll still be for you, just maybe not in the way you originally imagined. It could have simply been something you needed to learn for the rest of your path.

Now, although I’ve broken and tried un-breaking my own heart a million times, I never want to become heartless. My heart still has a lot of work to do! This is why it’s so important to stop, reflect and truly accept the part we play.

The famous poet Oscar Wilde once said, “The heart was made to be broken.” & I get that. But I also know that we as women were made strong enough to fix them. 

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What are some of the ways you’ve tried to heal after self-inflicted heartbreak? Did it take you long to own up to it? Share with us!

XOXO

Celesha

8 Comments

  1. NKEM CHUKWUMERIJE

    Nature is powerful – so powerful that we can’t change someone else’s. What truth!!! Whenever I feel I’ve let myself down, I do some reflection and tell myself in the grand scheme it’s okay, and it’s not that deep. That saves me from going down a rabbit hole of self-loathing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. shopwithleslie

    Th next Iyanla in the making! I hope people listen to this because it is excellent advice. That death grip is something else. People should take heed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nadiyah

    This post right here!! This is so true and powerful!! Every line! You got me over here shouting ooing and ahhing!! It took me many years to get to this place you are speaking on! Self reflection is so important and than includes reflecting on the good and the bad! Wonderful post justcelesha!

    Liked by 1 person

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